
Vulnerability.
I don’t know about you, but when I see how many talented, and creative people there are out there I get so overwhelmed and part of me dies a little.
Well, that may be an over exaggeration, but sometimes I can’t help get a little panicky when I see people out there with what appears to be gorgeous glamorous careers, blogs that get a million hits a month, and the ability to appear seamless in their daily online presence and fabulous outfit documentation photos galore.
And then I read that some of them have kids, and full time jobs, and travel worldwide on a regular basis, and...and...and...well..
“How the heck do they do it?!!”
Then I realize I have just committed one of the cardinal sins of wellbeing. Comparing yourself to others. Doh! Oopsie! Did it again.
I remember one of my many mantras, “You can’t compare your interior to someone else’s exterior.”
I take a breath, feel a little calmer then proceed.
Here is the deal. When you start going down that road of thinking that someone else’s life is better than yours, luckier than yours, or just plain easier than yours, you start making horrible snap judgments, assuming that their success isn’t based on good old fashioned hard work. You assume it is luck. It is not. We are only seeing the product of hours and hours of hard work. If something looks easy it just means they are doing it really well.
Most people work their hind ends off to grasp at the brass ring, and they overcome huge obstacles in doing so. Oh, sure there will always be people who get crazy lucky. But luck only gets ya so far.
Most successful people work at it and work hard. They make sacrifices, and they don’t do it alone.
The thing to keep in mind is, it is your job to be YOUR best self, not match the best self of someone else.
Once you realize this it opens up a lot of consciousness and compassion. And gratitude.
But since I am not the type of person to ever leave you hanging without a safety net, I have a few tips about how to proceed when you get that “poor me, I am never going to amount to anything feeling.”
1. Breathe.
Ok, I know how you feel. It pisses me off too when people tell me this, especially in the moment and it seems like they are saying being condescending. But there is nothing wrong with telling yourself that. Just stick it in your bonnet like a buzzing bee and keep it there, because it is your number one tool. (And if someone tells you to breathe, then politely and graciously smile and say “Thank you. I believe I will.”
2. Make a list.
I love lists. They calm me immensely. Even my mile long to-do list calms me because I can cease trying to keep all those picky things I need to do in my head and put them on paper instead. I don’t have to do everything all at once, but by golly, if I write it down it eventually gets done.
3. Acknowledge that sometimes when other people’s awesomeness blows you out of the water that it makes you feel a little bit vulnerable.
Here is my tried and true secret. Instead of begrudging others their awesomeness, fall into it. And by that I mean just love it. By opening up your heart to that kind of beauty and letting it touch your vulnerable place, you actually expand. Try it. When someone flashes you their huge engagement ring, or has just sold their novel and has a three-book deal, look at their face, see their joy, experience their shining beautiful moment and let it touch you too. Let yourself be vulnerable to their beauty and ya know what? You will feel more powerful than ever. Because choosing love and connection over resistance and fear is the essence that unites us all.
That and pretty soon you will be the one standing in front of someone gushing about your latest awesome thing, and that person will see you with the same kind of vulnerability that you have. And if that person opens up to you with the same kind of delicious awe that you have in your tool box, it makes your success that much sweeter because you shared it with someone that it mattered to.
Sometimes I think that is the point of vulnerability. It is a test, to see if we are paying attention to our deepest self, or if we are identifying with the tiny snarky imp that inhabits us too.
4. Love yourself a little more.
When you give yourself permission to be imperfect, permission to fail, to suck at something, to try something new, to cry, to be afraid, to be less than awesome, you are giving yourself permission to be a part of the imperfect, human race. And we are all awesome in our humanity, perfect or not.
